I had so many plans for this weekend:
Study for my exams.
Meet up with a new friend.
Do my weekly and monthly review/preview.
Write the semester report for my scholarship.
Instead, I woke up with a bladder infection on Friday morning.
The second time this month.
Four weeks ago I just killed it with antibiotics, but I really didn’t want to do that again – so I had to sit it out.
This time I was also more interested in the potential psychological meaning. I googled a bit and the first thing I found was this quote from Christiane Northrup:
“Developing a urinary tract infection may be the body’s way of releasing anger.”
Something in me resonated really strongly with this. On Thursday night I was actually feeling angry, I even talked about how judgmental I can be and that I don’t really know how to deal with it…
I also felt that my to-do list for the weekend was putting pressure on me that wouldn’t exactly help my healing process – so I minimized my goals for the day, set up a warm, cozy nest in the bedroom and started drinking buckets of tea and water. I watched a few online lectures for my exam prep, but gave up pretty soon and simply surrendered to the fact that I’m ill.
And that’s where I am.
Lying in bed with a hot water bottle on my belly, drinking as much as I can, napping, reading, feeling into myself.
I downloaded Christiane Northrup’s book “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom” and I’ve been reading it since yesterday. I don’t have any conclusions yet, but it feels like exactly the right thing for me right now.
Pay attention to my body.
Ask myself if there’s a valuable message in this infection.
Reflect on my health, my lifestyle, my beliefs. My anger.
I’m also thinking about softness a lot. I long for a certain soft, kind, yielding, flowing quality.
Marcel gave me this gorgeous deck of oracle cards: Kuan Yin, the goddess of compassion. The embodiment of softness. I feel like a have so much to learn from her.
Here’s my prayer for today:
I am willing to face my anger. I am willing to express it and release it.
I am willing to embrace my inner softness. I am willing to be vulnerable and receptive.
I am willing to look into the parts of me that need healing.
And I’m willing to accept and receive help.